secret ceremony

I am always amazed with a late-in-life psychiatric diagnosis.  I would have spared myself a lot of pain had I known about OCD and its powerful effect on human behavior during my salad days.  Long before it became a talk show staple, I was engaging in bizarre activity to clear my mind.  Repetitive and pointless exercises of doing something over and over again.  Hand-washing, throat-clearing and perfectly aligning objects were par for the course.  But elaborate grooming tasks were my drug of choice.  If you are going to go crazy, you might as well look good.  Not to mention a bad habit of slapping my forehead a la V8.  My rituals helped me find a neutral balance, but they also were a source of secret shame.  I didn’t feel comfortable discussing my compulsions with others because they might think I was insane.  So I can relate to Gary Numan and his struggle to find the source of his anti-social interaction.  He recently found out that he has a mild case of Asperger Syndrome.  I am no expert, but I believe this translates into a severe lack of empathy.  So there is a medical explanation for his socially awkward demeanor.   Consider the fact that he stumbled upon this knowledge in his middle age.  You have to wonder how much pain could have been avoided?  He indicated that his hostile world view informed his songwriting.  So maybe it was a blessing in disguise!  Not to mention his hard core work ethic.  People with AS tend to be abnormally intense or focused.  Pursuit of specific areas of interest is one of the most striking features of this ailment.  After all, you must have a dogged determination to release 20 studio albums in 30 years, often to public indifference!  If the goal of ones existence is to “know thyself”, just think of how useful his particular tidbit could have been.  Perhaps this stealth disease resulted in better product…  Aren’t all of the great artists a little touched in the head?